News Flash !   The CCRAP, or is it Reliance, or  Refliance.....oh yes I remember (so sorry) The Alliance -  the Canadian Reform Conservative Alliance Party has chosen a new leader. 

Now the Reform Party (of which Preston Manning was the leader) morphed into the CCRAP, but the leaders found that abbreviation crappy, so changed it to CRCAP. Manning did not win the leadership of the new party, because people figured he was all steak and no sizzle, so he was scrapped. They chose " charismatic " Stockwell Day, but found him to be all sizzle and no steak, who couldn't win Ontario. So he was stabbed in the back. 

Then they elect the new, new leader Harper, who isn't really new, since he used to be part of old team under the old leader, before the old leader was stabbed in the back and replaced by the new leader, who couldn't win the election, who was then also stabbed in the back. So the new leader was replaced by the new, new, newest leader. He is now the new Messiah, since the old Messiah was really just a fake Messiah, because he couldn't win Ontario.  So now Steve is the man, but then Stock used to be the man, but then Preston used to be the man, before Day was the man, before Harper was the man. Are you confused yet ? The news is strange, and sometimes a joke.

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Update - New Newsflash ! - Will The Morphing Never Stop Morphing ?

" Charismatic " Stephen Harper and  " Honest " Peter Mackay hatched a deal.  The Progressive Conservative Party of Canada and the Canadian Reform Conservative Alliance Party morphed into The Conservative Party of Canada. 

Next - a little history lesson from Ray - your intrepid reporter. Who braves hail, and sleet, risking life and limb to get you the story. 

1. In 1844 John A. Macdonald entered politics as Conservative member for Kingston. Yes he was a conservative at the start.
2. In 1854 John A. helped form a coalition of Upper Canadian Reformers (Reformers ?? - sounds kind of familiar - eh ?) and French Canadians called the Liberal-Conservative Party. Political morphing is nothing new folks. The first Prime Minister of Canada was the leader of a Liberal-Conservative coalition government !!!  Strange stuff - eh ? And did you think John A. always ran a Conservative ship ?
3. The Liberal-Conservative Party changed its name, or morphed into the Conservative Party at the turn of the 1800's.
4. In 1942  Progressive Party member John Bracken won the Conservative Party leadership, and the Conservative Party morphed into the Progressive Conservative Party of Canada. 
5. Some western conservatives split from the Progressive Conservative Party and this conservative wing morphed into the Reform Party in 1987 - led by Preston Manning. 
6. The Reformers morphed into the Alliance Party in 2000.
7. The Alliance and the Progressive Conservatives decided to bury the hatchet, and start attaching Liberals instead of each other - so they hacked to death their own parties and morphed into the " New ??"  Conservative Party of Canada in 2003. 

This little history lesson compliments of Ray.   What goes around comes around it seems. 

Harper and Mackay agreed to bury the hatchet, after first hatcheting off their old parties and create a new, new, new party.  Why ?  " For the good of the country, " exclaimed    " Honest " Peter Mackay.  

A leadership race was called for the New, New, Newer, Newest Conservative Party  and  Stevie " Boy Wonder " Harper won.   

Harper appeared about as exciting as watching snow melt, but never fear the media spin doctors are here. Ted Byfield wrote that Mackenzie King was very, very dull, but was the most long serving Prime Minister of Canada. Dull is good ! Dull is good !  Dull is good - went the twist. So Harper is dull - yes, but dull can be very successful. In fact dull it seems can be down right exciting to some. Some media folks are so very clever - they can turn dull into exciting and wrong into right - at the stroke of a pen.

Well you know the rest of the story. The election is called and the slippery Liberals are returned to power in June 2004, but with a minority. They appear humbled by the results, but is that possible ?

Many of the " new " Conservative Party members are perplexed. Why didn't Ontario vote for their " new party " and their  " new "  leader ?   Especially since the new leader was born and raised in Toronto!    " What is wrong with Ontario ?, " they mutter to themselves while drowning their tears of defeat in beer. Harper disappears from public view for a time, licking his wounds, and protecting his back.

The new conservatives mutter and growl and ruminate over their bitter defeat. " What did we do wrong ?  " they ask. 

Some folks say they were not conservative enough. Some say they were too scary. Some say they were just bushwhacked by those lying, crooked Liberals. Some say that King Ralph sank the Harper ship. Some say Harper is to blame. And some folks conclude that the problem is that they were not Liberal enough, and therefore did not appeal enough to the mushy middle. 

Is another morph suggested ? How about morphing into something new ?  How about morphing into the new Conservative-Liberal Party or is it the new Liberal-Conservative Party ???

Just Grin and Bear It. 

I happened to take a trip out to Banff National Park not long ago - tourist and bear country.

Was hiking in the wilderness along this trail, and found myself hemmed in a very small box canyon - with sheer cliffs on three sides. There was only one direction out, and only two trails led out. 

To my horror I saw approaching me on the one trail a sow grizzly bear with her two cubs !   I decided quickly to follow the other trail out, which was close by. However, to my horror I saw approaching me on the other trail a Lawyer, Politician, Priest and Psychiatrist !

I had to make a quick decision. So being the fool that I am too often - I chose to go past the Lawyer, Politician, Priest and Psychiatrist - to avoid the bear on the other trail. 

Well I just saunter down that way and as I approach the quartet the Psychiatrist begins questioning my sanity for being on such a dangerous trail alone. He insists I need a psychiatric assessment. I start getting upset. The politician comes up from behind and I could swear he had his fingers in my pockets, but I was so flustered by the accusations of the Shrink that I could no longer think straight. The Lawyer offered me legal help if I would just give him a $ 500.00 retainer fee right there - cash money. The Priest said I was a lost soul. He grabbed my arm and started twisting it, and said I must be saved and could be if I came to his church. 

I try hard to squeeze past them on the narrow trail, and I start yelling and screaming at them to leave me alone. 

They get angry with me for rejecting their offers, and for yelling at them. The Lawyer threatens to sue. The Psychiatrist  said I was crazy and must be hospitalized. The Priest says I am on the way to hell. And the Politician trips me and try's to steal my wallet. I was laying there on the ground, and then they all start kicking me - but I am quite athletic and just get up and escape from them, but not before they stole my money. 

Well a few months later I happened to take another trip out to Banff National Park. Was hiking in the wilderness on this trail, and got sort of turned around a bit. And by golly if I didn't find myself in the same dang box canyon as a few months before. I decided to get out, but yup you guessed it - there on the one trail approaching me was the same sow grizzly bear and her cubs, and on the other trail coming my way are the same Lawyer, Politician, Priest and Psychiatrist. 

This time I wasn't going to be a fool, and so boldly chose to go on the trail where the bear was. She sees me coming and kind of woofs at me. She runs towards me, but I stand my ground. She bumps me and gives me a cuff on the ears. I lay on the ground as if dead, and she snuffs me a bit and calls her cubs and starts ambling off. 

I get up unhurt, and say to her,  " Thanks pal for the attention. "

She answers back,  " Hey man no problem. " 

And I then say to her, " Hey - since you are my friend - can you take care of the Lawyer, Politician, Priest and Psychiatrist on the other trail ? "  

The bear growls back at me, " Hey Ray no problem - anything for a friend. Let me at them. " 

I said thanks and go on home a whistling and happy. 

Ray your intrepid reporter works tirelessly to get you the story. Here is my latest exclusive story. 

Suspicious Older Man at Local Calgary Superstore Arrested

A local older white haired man (with blue eyes, beard, a funny Alberta accent, missing tooth, rosy cheeks, and one slightly crooked eye, of a large muscular size, and who has his own strange web site)  was arrested for acting suspiciously at one of the neighbourhood Calgary Superstores. He was questioned by store security, and the Police. 

Seems like he was acting strange at the store, and actually said hello to some children, who then reported him to their Father, who then regarded the old man with suspicion, and possibly as a suspected child molester. 

As well he was smiling happily, and being friendly with staff and shoppers - and actually was cracking some jokes while shopping. This unusual behavior was monitored by store security on the security cameras. This weird behavior caused store security to suspect the old geezer might be a bit mental. So they called the cops. 

As well the old feller was acting funny in that he was enjoying his shopping , was moving slowly  and therefore blocking and holding up the rush hour flow of shopping traffic. " Get the *!#* hell out of the way old man, " one busy shopper was heard to mutter and grumble. 

And if that wasn't enough the dang old sucker had the audacity to actually look at and admire the pretty, shapely lady shoppers - especially the shapely ....ah... the pleasantly shaped posteriors of some of the ladies. And he even smiled at a few of them, and tried to make verbal contact. This rang alarm bells in some of the women's minds, and he was reported to security as being a possible sex pervert. 

And that isn't the whole dang story folks. He also displayed weird behavior at the check-out. He never scowled or complained when the cashier was delayed while counting out some money in their till. And he actually said that he didn't mind being delayed and wasn't in a rush. Now this is really, really weird stuff. And he cracked jokes with the young clerk, and another shopper who was in line. And to top it off he actually - he actually - now brace yourself because this one is really weird - he actually was laughing at times. The suspicion by store managers and of the other customers was that he was probably mental. 

He was arrested and questioned - and Police wanted a psychiatric evaluation done on him. Why in the hell was he enjoying himself so much and being so bloody friendly while shopping at a local Calgary, Alberta Superstore ? 

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Mailing Address:   Ray Wegner   P.O. Box 475   Stn. Main   Calgary, Alberta  T2P-2J1   

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